


Should We Really Be Competing Over This?

by HatterSaz



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drunken idiots being especially idiotic, Forgive my brain, Late Night Writing, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 02:17:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8309920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HatterSaz/pseuds/HatterSaz
Summary: Take five young adult ninjas, add alcohol and an inappropriate nickname that pisses said person off, and you get five guys comparing the sizes of their dicks.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I'm going to be straight with you. This came out of nowhere at 2:30am because it popped into my head and my brain kept writing it even though I was trying to sleep, then I gave up and just did what it told me. I won't apologise, and I won't listen to immature children asking (demanding) for me to kill myself because of the pairing. Just accept that people will ship whoever they want and move on please, and thank you.
> 
> Everyone else who DOESN'T care about the pairing, or the fact my brain is an idiot I will undoubtedly keep listening to, please enjoy the story :)

Ok so, none of the guys actually know how they got to this topic but, they were here now. The topic they somehow landed themselves on would be, 'who has the biggest penis?'. That's right, Kiba, Shikamaru, Sai, Naruto and Sasuke have somehow found themselves asking who has the biggest dick. Though, now that Shikamaru thinks about it, he's pretty sure it was one of Sai's usual 'dickless' comments that started this. Hang on, let's backtrack.

The guys had gotten together for a party but were all too busy the next day to get drunk. Or at least, drunk enough to feel the repercussions tomorrow. Lee had said that he was busy training and apoligised about one thousand times. Then he declared that he would train six times as hard in their name. No, six hundred times as hard! Choji straight up said no. Shino was sent on a personal clan mission he couldn't get out of. And Akamaru is sick. Though, Shikamaru didn't really want a dog here for this conversation anyway.

But that's beside the point. The five present had been having a fun conversation, reliving some good memories. Partly to catch Sasuke up, and partly to just reminisce. Then, of course, it was Naruto's turn to tell a story and Sai decided to but in with his own version of events. This lead to him using his little 'nickname' for Naruto. Which then sparked Naruto's anger, and for some reason Sasuke scowled for all but a second, and the blonde screamed how he 'did too have a dick, and it's probably bigger than yours Sai!'.

Shikamaru face palmed. Of course if got here from nothing. He should have realised sooner. Then again, the alcohol really isn't helping his brain function like it should. Which is probably why his 'genius' mind decided that they had to be fully erect for it to count. Him and his big fucking mouth...

So, here they are. All five of them stood with their dicks out at full mast, comparing each one. If he was able to process this properly, he'd probably be stabbing himself in the gut right now. Or brain. It did need to be punished for it's actions.

Here's the order from what Shikamaru can tell. Kiba has the smallest, though it's nothing to snort at. Then it's Sai, who keeps teasing Kiba for his 'baby carrot dick'. It doesn't even look like a carrot... Anyway, Shikamaru has the 'honour' of being third. And, Sasuke and Naruto were at a stand still. The thing is, no one can tell which is bigger, and no one is drunk enough to move their face close enough to the pairs junk to check. That is just something that should never happen.

"Mine is definitely bigger Teme!"

"Yeah right Usuratonkachi. Mine is clearly the biggest."

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

"Prove it!"

"How?!"

Shikamaru did not like where this was going.

"Here!"

Naruto took a few steps forward and pressed their dicks together. The blushes the two had from rubbing themselves earlier grew ten fold at the new position and their eyes glazed over a little. Though, only they knew that. Everyone else was busy trying to tell which one was bigger so they could put their pants back on.

"See?! Mine's bigger!"

"What?! Are you insane Dobe?! Look! Mine beats you by like, an inch!"

"No way! Mine is clearly bigger! Girthier too!"

To try and annunciate his point, Naruto began rubbing against Sasuke. The raven hissed at the sensation tingling his manhood, breath hitching at the movement. All of a sudden, the other three occupants of the room were very much sober, and very much uncomfortable. If not a little turned on by the idea of something rubbing their dicks. Stupid alcohol...

Naruto kept grinding Sasuke, his pace quickening as pleasure took over from competition. They were panting heavily and pressing closer together to try and make the friction more powerful. Hot breath mingling together in the small space of air between them. Suddenly, Naruto jumped up and wrapped his legs around Sasuke, the raven using his arm to support the blonde.

Shikamaru and Kiba exchanged looks of disbelief and discomfort as they slowly put their pants back on and backed away. Kiba grabbed Sai and motioned for the raven to do the same, before pulling him out of the apartment. They made a silent pact to never speak of this again.

Immediately after the door closed, Naruto grinned. Sasuke giving a small smile of his own when he acknowledged the new privacy. Naruto gasped at the boiling coil wrapping around his gut, taking a second to breathe before raising his hands to Sasuke's face to angle his head perfectly for a passionate kiss. Tongues quickly got introduced and fought inside of their mouths, eventually ending with Sasuke winning.

The two groaned as climax approached, kiss growing fiercer with need. Then, both men released over their chests with strangled cries. Their seed staining their shirts and making the fabric cling to them. Naruto scrunched his face with disgust before moving to get down. However, Sasuke's arm held a firm grip, refusing to let go.

"Dobe, remove our shirts. I'm going to prep you then fuck your brains out."

The husky tone of his voice turned Naruto on again, and he quickly removed his own shirt. Then he came across a problem.

"Sasuke, how do I-"

Before he could finish, Sasuke cut in.

"Just rip it."

Naruto nodded and ripped the shirt as requested. Once the two were completely naked, Sasuke did as he said. He prepped the blonde carefully, before pounding him into the wall. They went round after round in different areas of the apartment. Their pleasured cries getting louder as time passed, disturbing everyone in a close proximity. The next day, neither could say they regretted it.

**Author's Note:**

> So, sorry not sorry about the lack of sex. To be honest, I actually found it hard to finish without writing it but, I desperately needed sleep and knew I wouldn't be able to continue it if I left it so, here's your mediocre ending :)


End file.
